I feel like i have to train for a mental fight. I seen a picture of him and he was pretty average in the looks department. The problems between us also caused him to pull away from my daughter who had only known him since her birth, after our marriage and we all came to live together their relationship crumbled as well, come the first birth of our 2 daughters together their relationship had completely dissolved. I am shocked at myself..I am savvy.. but his lies and deception shone through and good luck to his new GF ..he wants women with high profiles to further himself.. and I had many contacts.maybe getting so distraught and phoning his Mom was not a good idea.. but hey he said he had his own home yes lies lies lies.. never ending. Say to him to stay away for ever and nothing to do with him anymore. Will she change her mind and get in touch with me? Narcissism is a serious pathology - applying to around only 6% of the population. Cause I relised his nana health situation was often used as excuse yes cheating. Hes totally using her for her fame because shes good at what he wants to be good at. What their relationship style . Again, best of luck to you . If you were in MA, Id buy you a coffee and give you some mothering advice, LOL. They dont know half of whats been going on. Thanks for your reply Kim. I was surprised to hear he was in a very long-term relationship for being fairly young and, frankly, gay. I was too, wondering when that would stop, but I came up with the same conclusion: never! I know the danger of having Contact which is that all of the things listed above may be tucked away and the cycle could repeat itself. Yes I believe that a Narcissist can be beat at their own game. This was just about a month and a half ago. This is just out of pure curiosity, but lets say that I decided not to pursue the money and just let things be. How we can see something or someone so clearly and yet we choose to be blind to the truth at the same time. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Hi sorry to hear everyones painful stories, it truly is the most awful thing ever. I cant imagine living an entire life with no escape or if I tried being brought to submission or outcast from family and friends. And time is passing. Someday, it may be you on the other end of that hoover calculation theyre making. He is 42 and has had a string of relationships that always endI miss talking to fault and and spending time together. No one makes anyone behave in disorder ways. And because you keep taking him back. He spend hundreds/thousands of dollars. Thanks for this great article and the comments of others! He is trying to invade your space physically and mentally, even though he has already moved on. The Narcissist is so deceptive that the majority of people still do not recognize it. They contact you . The Narcissist will make their partner feel incredible, and have answers to seemingly everything. So theyll get in there first. I naturally like the previous poster am a protecter and caregiver, i want the best for my loved ones and give up has never been a option in my life until now. You're still waiting on him! Sometimes I miss him (because he was very good to me at times). As well, I needed money and my ex boyfriend asked his friend to sell My old car 7 weeks ago but nothing is happeningand I have not seen my car back nor moneywhat are my options? I thought it was good to have him as a friend because i have no friends here. This guy is my soulmate and will forever be, but if I was to have the smallest chat via email or over the phone, the pain starts again. In normal relationships, breakups are not always mutual. Their ex will be broken-hearted, they wont understand why they were dumped, and theyll be eagerly waiting for the narcissist to call so they can get back together. I spent many days and nights feeling like I was on the verge of a breakdown, dying inside over that man. Anon, my comments were taken way out of context. Sad, but true. He sounds very insecure with his story of a woman whisperer. Although the dad loved that dog more than anything, it was a threat to his family now and he had to get rid of it. and maybe he does in HIS way but why wont he let go. May God help and heal us all. Or if he apologizes he expects everything to immediately go back to normal. When you go into No Contact mode, you are shifting the power to yourself, and the narcissist loses their sanity because theyve lost not only their God-like power, but also their emotional punching bag. Keep reading Kims stuff as she is so knowledgeable with a huge heart for victims! Even if you are bisexual and had a relationship with both a male and a female narc and that is why you feel you can compare the damage the woman did to you as worse than what the man did to you, it still doesnt seem fair to say that all women narcs are worse than male narcs and therefore men suffer more damage than woman. So, the satellite and internet services were in his name, when he left, I expected him to have it shut off especially since he left, he moved his new supply into a new house and the satellite tv company sent a email to our online account verifying the work order to install cable in their new house. He told police that he did threaten to kill me in the heat of an argument and that I did it too and Denied everything else ! In retrospect all those times that she said if you cant get me this or that i will find someone that will I never really appreciated the fact that she meant it. I thought I had finally gotten over the crazy woman syndrome, and in fact had dated some very cool women over the last several years. I told him I would see him only if he would open up to me and be his true self. I cannot and will not respond to this letter or give this man any facetime or interaction with me again though. N-ex has had a girlfriend for 4 months now, living with him almost half the time, including when he has our children (every other week). This is when she got her hooks in me. Now it involves $3,000. The sex was the most wonderful thing Id ever experienced in my life. Is he really done? I then had to endure the next 2 months. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Im a fairly intelligent person and I know whats rational and I use logic and now 2 months after no contact my mind plays tricks on me and I fall into that thinking pattern this pattern I believe it has something to do with the fact that I always ask myself what if what if something can be done. I pray for your and my quick healing-peace and love to you? But sadly I dont see that happening. The abuse, mind games, control stopped and my life went on. Thats the weakness of women who loves so much. Clears up a lot for many of us who still question how the hell we got into this situation for so long. See if they can provide you with transitional housing until you can get on your feet. Cry, scream, get up, hug ur son, cry some morethere will be months of crying and feeling good then feeling bad again, missing him. He is a tortured soul. Havent heard a peep, which suits me fine. What they wont do is tell you about it. Daily posts to her family and the friends id still never met on how wonderful he was. I tried to ignore them simply because I had no understanding of NPD at that point. I grew up with narcassism in my family. Narcissistic rage is not like normal anger, its an uncontrollable and subconscious desire to lash out. Try to research on thisNPD is included in BPD, if its a Psychopathic BPD. Who knows. As painful as what I went through was for me, I would never say my pain was worse than anyone elses experience nor would I say that men suffer less. This one I am still dealing with has been a nightmare to come to terms with from an emotional standpoint. Why feel the need to approach and tell me this info and come to me with a crazy offer????? I was devastated because Id never tell him Id want to kill him EVER!!! And there is a scared inmature little person who is scared of live and everything in it. My ex was a narcissistic to a T. A couple times I did self harm myself and he would take away my scissors and keep them and tend to my wounds. Know that many people are in this simulair situation. so my humor is waning.) Part of this healing process is giving your younger self more grace, huh? I never did nothing but fallin love with a man who lied to me . When I woulnldnt shop at the high dollar stores for him when I shopped at thrift stores I was being stingy. He texted me as a friend. I hope he sends me back something nice soon. Omg, we must be the same person because Im mean, Im so mean to him, I treat him like a dog, and I also needed to grow up, this is real life ..not a game he tells me. Many things keep us bound to narcissists far longer than they should. When you wrote to him and rejected him, he lied and said it was a joke because he felt embarrassed. In most cases, a Narcs partner(s) eventually suffer from anxiety, agoraphobia, PTSD, C-PTSD, and more from repeated emotional abuse, yet Narcs are always so quick to trivialize their contribution to these conditions. Narcissists pull the ghost card because they see it as a recharging period for their ex-partner. I see the light now..it is NOT MY FAULT I did NOTHING wrong.I offered him quality help and a place to live and provided everything while he contributed absolutely NOTHING emotionally or financially to the relationship. I am probably right! that was my only way to see j___ (grandchild). Your articles give me the strength to keep going. This all depends on the way your ex chooses to approach you and why they want you back. It is a shock to one to realize that you were not in the real world at age 60. to know how to deal with them. And thats a good thing. Well, he is now seeing another woman up the street from me. Then she blocks me, so I cant say anything. In any case, tiredofliars8 and I sound like we went through a lot of the same kinds of things with a very similar personality type. He wrote again last month to say that no matter what I think of him, he loves me and nothing I could ever say or do would make that a lie. Maybe a couple of conversations will be amazing, but dont let on they are. And yes, lack of boundaries and low self-esteem ARE common denominators. What was I suppose to do? . I think disordered women make far better/effective liars then men in general, so the pain can be even worse for a male victim. he knows on some level I accepted him with all his weirdness even though I called him out every time. Keep up the good work. Part 1 and Part 2 are equally important to read. Above all, your main focus would want to be getting primary custody of your child if you can. The one who really understands him. He wanted just me etc. -Telling their own friends and family white stories (not the whole story) that may also be aggrandized to sound better when he sees me strong wants me back just to see if he can. Where do i stand when i let him still in my heart and in my life? Hopefully all the skills we need to make us even stronger & all the knowledge we need to ensure that we never ever give away our heart & soul to just anyone who doesnt deserve it and nor will we ever let anyone take from us so much of ourselves. Or even worse, that I will reflect that in a way other people around us will notice instead of playing along with the smoke and mirrors routine we used to do together. Once I started reading about it I was in shock. They are ALL relevant ( in my humble opinion) The answer to that question is EVERYTHING! Vincent Cassel: 'Every time a man does something wrong now, he's a pervert manipulator narcissist' The French star of 'La Haine' and 'Irrversible' speaks to James Mottram about . Reclaim your inner power, disarm the narcissist, and finally stay congruent with your wish for a healed life! You and your children could be in grave danger. Number kept picking up & hanging up on him; he dont know what in the H is happening. The best place for us to start is to begin examining why we began to minimize the abuse and accept being mistreated. He has got to go! I put her growing abusive and physical temper down to myself and not being good enough for her. When he comes at that moment he makes everything alive again. BPD type 2 is the only one that may come without psychopathy However, if you decide to apply to your situation, please, please, dont just assume. I broke no contact because the new girlfriend and I have always been social. Actually THE NEXT DAY (imagine what he felt), and the community too. For me its only a week. You see, creating an illusion of happiness is a narcissist's favorite form of post-breakup damage control. When I finally put my foot down and opened my own bank accounts because I was tired of him keeping us broke I was being selfish. Learn a new skill Perhaps you hadnt heard from them in ages, and suddenly the narcissist comes back after months? I have to say his drama is entertaining at times. Or, did you finally leave and are now being stalked like an episode of Investigation Discovery,complete withlove-bombing and hooveringto the nth degree? My ex has not hoovered since he left; although I live in the country and wouldnt really know if hes been past my house, however, it has been two months since we actually laid eyes on one another. Two months later, in May, he wrote a lovely email that he misses me blah blah. Thats a proces. After again a night no sleep but now really heavy anxiety. I made a decision I was going to leave, gave him til the end of the week to reassure me he wasnt playing me, that we had a future or I have to go. And i know in my mind what i SHOULD think say and feel. The only way they can gain access to you again is through friendship, so the narcissist will do everything possible to make that happen. Recovering from this type of relationship takes considerable effort and self-care. Change ur phone number, block his email and think of ur son as you do these things. He just was gone at a time i was in Holland with my mom she has cancer. Have you just broken up with your narcissistic partner and cant seem to stop thinking about them? Eden, I had the same type of story he wasnt physically abusive all the time and also one hit was enough (Im not a fighter) to make me cry I stayed and endured everything until last time he punched me in the eye, almost had to go to the hospital he cried then said was sorry then said will change he behave less than a week then he started to argue with me again over nothing had to move out, puta restraining order and STILL wanted to stat with me. Excellent writing again. Then feels low / hungover and shes back telling me Im her home etc.. how did this happen? Whatever your faults are as a human being, they pale in comparison to what is fundamentally wrong with him/them. The pieces of this insane puzzle will never come together and you may never truly understand what she was thinking or feeling for you. No, his initals werent IF It took me a long time to heal, too, because for one, I didnt realize at the time that my Ex is a Narcissist, so I didnt know to look for applicable healing resources. On one of the sites the question had been if psycho women bring less ego into relationship, then psycho men, I wrote no and explained why. Like normal anger, its an uncontrollable and subconscious desire to lash out do him. My humble opinion ) the answer to that question is everything stores i too. Women who loves so much that a Narcissist can be beat at their own game strength to keep going letter! 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