She is also currently in therapy. When I asked her if she wanted to go get some food, ice cream the mall,she said no for so many reasons. Reading all these comments makes me very sad and confused. In the best moments, when depression is at its weakest, the real person youve loved takes over and comes out. If you are tired or stressed I cant do sex. Now I am questioning myself whether to leave her or hold her.whether she ll feel better later on if I suppose leave her. When the relationship isn't secure, however, you might feel this nagging sense of jealousy towards everything and everyone. Been experiencing something very similar in my relationship, I have been helping my girlfriend with her anxiety and depression for years as well and its been so long that often I feel down and hopeless too. Break up. Imagine if you stay another couple years, get married, have children, then that person does the unspeakable after that? You tend to put blame on you, stop doing this. Im fed up though. Your girl might decide differently. (All is Hell) These are just a few questions you and your spouse should sit down and discuss together to see if you're on the same page financially. Yes, we all need help and support and Im in it til death do we part. So the question, as you insightfully pose, is where do you go from here? I compared myself with healthy happy laughing girls that my boyfriend meet everyday. To see a list of mental health professionals practicing in your area, simply enter your ZIP code here: Are they really trying to help themselves? ! I have asked him to go to the docs last year he was given anti depressants but only took them for a month !!!! I am essentially a caretaker now. Driving me to the point where my own happiness is at an all time low. She thinks I must be sleeping with someone else & she is not the object of my desire. I have become very weary, weak and helpless toward her, every piece of support I give her is taken with offence, as an insult of her character or some other negative quam brewed inside her hyperactive mind. If your partner isn't nice, or loving, or supportive in any way, it can leave you feeling perfectly drained of energy. Everything is about your partner. However, i was in a grade above her and graduated and proceeded to get a job so i could support our lives, this made texting hard as i had very early starts and it was very physically and mentally tiring work, however i still texted her as much as possible. Her family is going to assist her getting professional help, and I have told her that if she needs me in the future I will be there to support her in any way she requires. It Feels Like They Always Ask Too Much. It's an affect that's truly worth noting. Except, Im still struggling a bit through this transition and have lately had more thoughts of giving up in general, than positive ones. all of our arguments come from her depression and her being in a bad mood, i can only sometimes cheer her up. I have been with my girlfriend long distance for over a year now. Im there for her and she knows it. I can know no one would have got solution. I hope you found your way out and ability to stay out. I dont know if that is the case with you too. past experiences? When that happens, it may be time for some serious reflection. If you feel insecure or anxious in your romantic relationship, it can really start to affect your health. It's up to you to decide how to handle that. Yes, "envier" is a word. I know who I am; I am lonely, very needy and manipulative sometimes, but am also very human and humble to talk, to admit faults, to strengthen things. This is especially the case if you haven't dealt with anxiety before, but suddenly feel yourself worrying constantly. If you have solution, you are God for me:(, I am crying here because I feel you guys are talking about problem that I am facing. (You're so tired) But you just can't sleep. Maybe she doesnt want to tell you how much she wants you to be with her because she doesnt want to appear needy. My girlfriend is dragging me back into depression with her own personal problems. So I tried communicating a little more and making plans. I didnt know about it. It drives me nuts when she sleeps all day. And I never had a problem with that, I loved her entirely, with all of that. If I talk in a neutral tone or raise my voice even slightly she says I am scary and becomes inconsolable. A few months ago she began self harming, and I apparently did something to upset her and she started talking about how she was going to commit suicide because of it. Obviously it isnt making her any happier as things are.. I once found out my girlfriend was talking to some other guy. I feel im depressed, asking myself was actually our sexlife good becuase she was drinking, and that the person im with now has no interest in sex at all? She has issues with everyone including mine and her family. Am I codependent? Im different then most I let her know I care everyday and all day but at same time I have tons of hobbies that detract from everything. You will only drag yourself down in the end. Also over the years I have cancelled so many plans with friends to take time to help her that I have lost contact and have become depressed myself about my loneliness. I did anything to help her, yet there seems to be no progress. The burden on caretakers is significant, and there is great therapeutic value in realizing you are not alone. I really don't know the best way if breaking it to her and I don't wanna do anything that I'll regret 3 28 28 comments Add a Comment AutoModerator 8 mo. Medication and therapy dont really work. Someone might say, she cooks, cleans, is stunning and wants sex, what more do you want.. I love her, but she needs to help herself before she can focus on a relationship with me. I forgave her and forgot all of that. According to psychologist Salama Marine, your pattern could be emotionally draining if "you . I take it this is detrimental to a persons feelings who has depression. Posted October 5, 2013 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan Question: Hi Irene, My BFF and I have been friends since high school. 3. And he just feels like a failure and a burden onto everyone else to the point he has almost committed suicide twice. Im more bummed cause were not having as much sex as Id like. Just stay focused on your ultimate goal with her and never lose site of how she was before depression. Some times its okay but those are only the times when things are easy. Let her take the step and compliment her if she completes it. Recently I have many more commitments and as a result I no longer have the time to reassure her all the time, and her depression has gotten much worse. She helped me so much, she made me become stronger, comprehensive, helped me leaving my addictions, I had so many precious moments with her, but now she doesnt seem to care about me at all, the more I try to help, to listen to her, the more she flees. I feel for you all. I strongly encourage you to begin your own therapy. I dont have depression, I want to have fun and be happy. It sounds like you have been a tremendous source of love, strength, and support for your girlfriend in her battle with depression. Let she feels that you are proud of her. It takes a huge amount of love to do that. I still see him he wrote 2 suicide notes to me and his dad ( when I asked him to leave) and produced them for me to read. I feel for all of you guys! Basically, she pretty frequently attends fancy. Cmon guys you know the drill. Ive been going to therapy for 3 years and talking about my problems doesnt help me. Most of you experienced it yourselves unless you are blessed with incredible good looks or a family wealth. However when i asked her how shed feel if i was to hang out with other girls she said that i wasnt allowed to and that all i would do is want to have sex with them or at least have those intentions. i fell as if i cant help her, im not good enough to make her happy although i try so hard and its making me doubt myself more and more. Healthy couples can chat about pretty much anything. You're so tired. THIS MORNING WITH ALL YOUR WEIGHT TIED TO MY NECK AND YOUR DRAGGING ME DOWN, DRAGGING ME DOWN DRAGGING ME DOWN, DRAGGING ME DOWN I GOT . If I go out without my phone I will find I have around 20-30 messages when I get back all telling me how selfish I am for ignoring her. As long as your eyes are open. Her issues didnt matter to me as she is a very good person, but I didnt see the whole picture. Its killing me inside as she looks so helpless, vulnerable, alone and she has the face of one of the most beautiful girls you would ever meet. She wont tell me whats going on. "Healthy, happy relationships are where both partners meet each others' physical and emotional needs," says relationship etiquette expert Mara Opperman, in an interview with Bustle. Giving a quick comeback or getting angry will reinforce his behavior. I met my girlfriend 3 years ago through a very lovely and romantic way, and since that day we are together. Or maybe it's because your partner is jealous, or mean, or absent. She clearly doesnt love you like one should love another person. Exactly. Therapy and meds nothing will work. I did every single thing that you guys have written here. I feel like iv become more of a tool for relief then her boyfriend, i feel as if she doesnt actually care for me but all she wants is me to make her happy. All I got is she is just a drama queen, there wasnt any problems to become sad. Just stay focused on your ultimate goal with her and never lose site of how she was before depression. I just cant take the angry outbursts then the crying then the woe is me attitude over every tiny event. "Relationships characterized by constant conflict, fighting, and lack of forgiveness are a recipe for disaster," Opperman says. From then onwards,my girl friend got suffering from depression slowly.but I was not knowing that and she also didnt share anything to me. She has lost sleep all night, and so did I. https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. She looks for a bit of comfort, wants some tea/cuddles and sex. Hell even the break up process reinforces their behavior. My ex boyfriend left me because I was depressed all the time. Atlast I hate the word LOVE with cry. I used to be able to help her cheer up and have a good time with her whenever she was sad but now,I cant do anything without getting an attitude from her or saying something stupid. I was two years out watching movie series to help me distract while I forced myself to eat. First two years went well. Leave. I want so much to help her, but I feel like I have nothing else to give. Read on for some of those ways. I always tell her I enjoy how she is my first thought when i wake up and the last. Yesterday night she told me she was sleeping at 8:00pm but i checked my other app that we text on cuz i like looking back at text messages and i see her active but talking to someone else she was talking to her best friend who also has depression and i thought she was cheating on me, so i asked her if she is and said no, i got upset about that and i kept asking her stuff but didnt reply, on a text she told me that her and her best friend are going thru depression rn and says that it bothers that i think about her 24/7, how could i not cuz she is not telling me stuff and i try to offer help and say i will be there for her but she i guess she doesnt want my help, anyways she also told me not to talk to her anymore. Karen S., a business executive in her late 20s, had been with her boyfriend eight months when she fell into a funk. From then onwards,my girl friend got suffering from depression slowly.but I was not knowing that and she also didnt share anything to me. She struggles to make friends and has isolated herself from the world. DUMP THE SAD GIRL OTHERWISE SHE WILL DRAG YOU DOWN. There are so many ways a relationship can be unhealthy, and therefore so many ways it can drag you down. Now I am questioning myself whether to leave her or hold her.whether she ll feel better later on if I suppose leave her. A. I have been through many websites reading about relationship breakdowns when a partner is depressed and the most common thing is how the non depressed partner is feeling totally drained and feel their life has gone down hill leading them down the road to depression. You mention that your girlfriends medication does not seem to be helping her. The couple times I have plucked up the courage to leave she has done drastic forms of self harm. See what I. She has now admitted to me that she has battled with depression since she was a teenager (she is 26). Dont worry too much about your girlfriend saying that you shouldnt talk to her anymore. My partner's negativity gets me down A happy, optimistic man is brought down by the relentless negativity of his partner. On my side my family is going through a very rough time and were worried about losing our home, Im going through a quarter-life crises where I dont know what I studied is the right thing for me, Im also really worried about my future because I dont know where Im heading in life. These people are emotionally selfish they may not do it on purpose but they will take away everything that defines you and then you will be a empty shell . If you have any of these friends, you should reconsider that relationship. 2. she undergoing medications and therapy but nothing could help her. So even if you don't initially make the connection, your relationship could be why you're always up at night. He left 6 months ago when I asked him to leave for my sake not his after I was signed off work with depression there was no support for me and because of his lack of attitude with dealing day to day. And probably you wonder why I use past tense when I write. I cant leave her though because she said she wouldnt be able to live if i left her. Sorry if I sound morbid but its devastating. If she wanted to cheat that is her choice. And it was bad enough that i was married at one time and my Ex wife cheated on me thinking that i was going to spend the rest of my life with her at the time. He occasionally took me out shopping saying it was my treat for putting up with him but when we got to where we were going he wouldnt treat me, one time he left me in the metro centre (Newcastle uk) alone with no money, when we got home he always wanted sex, I never wanted to but allowed him to make him happy. "So, yes, your relationship problems could lead you to suffering from high blood pressure." She is a no bullshit chick that has always been completely honest with me about everything and this is no exception. I have a battle on my hands, life has tried to tear me down before and I wont let it just yet..You choose to be happy, Woah that is one crazy situation both of you are dealing with. I hope my thoughts are helpful in any way, "More importantly, there is balance in the relationship. I consider myself in recovery. She is loyal and would care for me no matter what but I cant keep bringing my own life down too to be on her level. Like everything was depending on something else, like it was fragile structure. So that he loves himself. Now she stopped the medications for a month ago, and still no affection what so ever. I think this is the best for us at this time, as I read up in this thread I see a lot of pain caused to both people as time goes on and I dont want that to happen to either of us. Tell her its either you or the ex, no friendships either. All rights reserved. She is quiet, shy, passive/aggressive yet bubbly she would do anything and everything instantaneously for me, great girl! I'm seeing shapes behind the curtain. i was depressed when i was about 15-17 years old, i tried to end it at one point but after some events in my life i realized i had so much more to live for and there is always someone with a worse situation. Help me drag the camping gear down the hill. I started to be rude and aggressive. It almost feels as though she is in a better mood when I am down! Next time you feel like this world is messed, go outside and try something new. I feel like my (26F) girlfriend (23F) is dragging me down I kind of feel like shit for even saying it. I was acting like it all was my boyfriends fault, and I sometimes felt like this. Seems like a pattern, a thing to analyse better. I feel like she is using me even though I take care of her. Her aggression and fights are only there to tell you that she needs help, and help in this case is outside you two therapy, friends, new experiences. I told her to leave him if he keeps bring her down. It was me rationalising my emotions. Youll feel like your carrying a heavy anchor your whole life and will always be exhausted emotionally. I tried takin my own life and he didnt care, eventually he ended it with her and started seeing me. Dealing with a depressed girl isnt easy and there some moments of greatness and when it happens I take full advantage of it. Once you are gone, she will find another enabler to take on her issues. She did take medications she did try psychiatrist. There are so ways people find happiness and you guys both just need to find yours and you need to know that one day.. You will. If you can be open about how you're feeling, it can still be possible to work on it together. Developing a strong therapeutic relationship with a clinician will afford you a much-needed opportunity to focus on yourself. The ex shouldnt even be in the equation. But I really just wanted to Thank You for your post. Shes been unemployed this year, and wanted to take time for herself, which Ive supported, but during which shes been extremely depressed and even harsher to herself than normal. When you've had too much on your plate for a long time, behaviors in your partner that would normally be slightly irritating can feel like major disruptions to your peace of mind. Don't freak out if your goals are different. So what am I to her now?? I missed her, but she pushed me away and i got fed up from this. Even if youve had bad experiences with the Christian belief in the past, I suggest you to just try something. its comforting to know that other couples go through the same things. Firstly, good work for simply dealing with it as long as you have you are obviously so much stronger than you think. By commenting you acknowledge acceptance of GoodTherapy.org'sTerms and Conditions of Use. As men we dont have an option. I experience the exact same thing you are talking about with my girlfriend for one year. But every day she is more and more far away from me. Software Full Name: Adobe Premiere Pro 2023. She also will fail in it, many times, probably hurting you, but she will go on. You are helpful to them by being there when they need you. But i will never get married again since it really has become very risky for many of us men that have been married the first time. It bothers me a lot and Ive done all I could to understand. Before the depression she was great, and we saw each other very often. Times, probably hurting you, stop doing this even the break up process reinforces their behavior,! 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